Don't Die to be Thin

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

I was recently (mindlessly) Pinterest-ing and came across a sketch by Arthlete that said "Don't Die to be Thin". This random pin slapped me across the face and reminded me why I started blogging in the first place. Because there was a time in my life that I was willing to risk my health, integrity, and passion, to be thin.
I'd been pushed to a point that I was stressed beyond belief and felt like I couldn't control anything in my life. I'd been made to believe that my dream of being a dancer wouldn't happen, and that I wasn't capable of being loved. So, I took what matters I could, into my own hands. I saw my body as the one thing I could control...and I did. I began to hone in on things that I never noticed before - feeling my sides jiggle when I drove down a dirt road, for example. If I wasn't good enough to be loved or achieve my dreams right now, then damn it, I was going to be. I became obsessive about what I ate, or didn't eat. Being healthy wasn't enough for me anymore.

Jump forward a year, and I was a size 0 with hardly any muscle mass and not enough energy to get through one dance rehearsal. Rather than remaining in a solid head-space, I developed an anxiety disorder. Instead of fighting my haters and standing up for myself, I let their words creep into my head and form an inner mean girl. The girl who liked to tell me that no matter what, I wasn't good enough, that maybe if I were thinner things would be better.

None of that was true, I know that now. I realized I had a problem and asked my mom to get me help. I went through Hell for over a year, because people's words changed my view of my own self worth.  Since then, I have dealt with severe anxiety - and at moments of heightened stress, that inner mean girl creeps up and starts to make me question my self worth once again. But I have found ways to combat that, take a look here.

I have come to know many women that struggle with similar issues. And it breaks my heart. My heart breaks because I know exactly where these women are at...and it F***in sucks! But I came out the other side of this personal hell and am here to tell every woman out there that you are enough! You're beautiful, capable, emotional, and compassionate enough to take on everyone. Those who work so diligently to make you think otherwise are already very aware of just how beautiful, capable, emotional, and compassionate you are...and they want to take that from you! And when they throw you into that negative head space, they are winning. You are NOT too much of anything, and you are more than enough of everything.

I know what it feels like to sit down and feel your tummy turn into rolls, or to drive down a dirt road and feel something jiggle. But its normal, its natural, and it is beautiful. Don't let others, not even your inner mean girl, convince you to die to be thin. Because you are worth so much more than a thin body. Take their words and the pain they have made you feel and turn it into strength. Go to a gym, kickbox the shit out of a punching bag, lift the hell out of some weights and throw all of those negative words with the weight when you've had enough. Channel all of that pain and negative energy into your workout and yell and scream as you push yourself to finish your set...and when you walk away you will be stronger - physically and mentally.

Don't die to be thin, strive to be strong! You are worth so much more than some asshole haters have to say. Know that, and go kill it in this all too negative world. Strive to be strong, and be the light we all need.

 Love Always, 
                        Kaitlyn B

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