Finding My "HOW?!"

Thursday, March 1, 2018

I, like a lot of the lovely ladies I know, have a problem actually getting up the courage to begin working out. - I use the word courage because once you start, you must meet the level of dedication that you set for yourself. Once you start, you can't stop without letting yourself down. And that is some scary shit! - But, on Sunday night I decided it was time. Time to stop watching movies with bad ass women, like Gal Gadot, and thinking "I could be that bad ass...ya know, if I worked out and took better care of myself".

*If I'm being really honest, I have been doing that ^^ for the last 5 years...over and over again! It just happened to be bad ass Wonder Woman that made me realize its not okay anymore. *

At the beginning of the month, I wrote a post about the importance of caring about your health and how everyone needs to find their "Why". The day I wrote that, I began paying close attention to what I put in my body...sadly accepting that daily binge-fests of ice cream is not-so-okay. *Insert eye roll here*. From that moment, I began following individuals that inspire me, I detoxed my social media feed of all things negative and decided to make some subtle, and significant, changes in my daily routine. Sidenote: Self care is!

These seemingly tiny changes have made all the difference in my mood, my confidence, my understanding of my own self-worth, etc. And the next step was to actually get up the courage to start working out. I packed my gym bag on Monday morning and, with great pride, strolled up the stairs to get my coffee and start my new daily routine!

I was excited...actually excited to sweat and risk looking like a less-than-hot mess for the second half of my work day.* I began making my coffee (knowing there was no way I was going to make it to my 11:30 workout time without it) and was asked a question that got me thinking: "oh you're working out? How much have you lost?" I was, initially, weirded out because this was literally the first day of my new, bad ass workout babe, life. After clarifying that the question came up because I'd already made dietary changes, I was no longer weirded out. I simply answered, "I don't actually know."

I began making these changes for the soul purpose of getting healthy. Do I know that making all of these changes will result in a loss in weight? Hell yes! But had I thought about standing on a scale and measuring myself? Fu** NO! I know that if I don't like what I see when looking at the scale and measuring tape, I will get discouraged and most likely fall face first into a vat of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. And no one wants to see that, especially not the new, bad ass workout babe, side of me!

Being the anxiety ridden individual that I am, I spent the rest of the morning wondering if I needed to step on a scale and measure myself. I fought with the idea, because I was terrified that my reaction to the numbers would go one of two ways:

  1. I look at the numbers, feel terrible about myself and cave into my cravings for Culver's Cheese Curds and an all-you-can-eat ice cream buffet! (No, I don't know if it really exists, but a girl can dream!)
  2. I look at the numbers, feel terrible about myself and begin to mentally attack myself. Eventually becoming convinced that it wouldn't hurt much if I just stopped eating again...sure it affected my health for the rest of my life the first time, but I was skinny! **No this is not how I actually feel about eating disorders, but this is where my brain goes when I spiral into an anxiety attack. And yes, it is scary as Hell.**
I came to the conclusion that we all find different ways to motivate ourselves. For some, that motivation comes from numbers, disliking the measurements of their bodies and seeing a numerical change as they continue to work on themselves. For others, the numbers are simply discouraging. For those of us that struggle with the idea of just not being enough (on a DAILY basis), motivation needs to come from somewhere else. A core belief and understanding that confidence in ourselves is derived from a positive mental state. A recognition that any sort of negative thought, and piling negative thoughts, only hurt us.

We need to understand that the state our bodies are in will reflect how we feel. A state of starvation or binge eating only hurts our bodies and fuels our anxiety. A healthy, strong, glowing state allows us to recognize the beauty in ourselves. When our bodies feel good, our souls and mental state will follow suit. If you've already found your "why", all you have to do is determine your "how". How are you going to make sure you are becoming the very best person you can possibly be?

There are so many different ways to become that person by simply taking care of yourself! Different forms of working out, different dietary lifestyles (paleo, keto, simple clean eating), and different ways to hold yourself accountable (i.e. remembering your "why").

 Find your "how", no matter how different it is from everyone else! If you are motivated by seeing a change in measurements, awesome! If you are motivated by anything but knowing your measurements (to start), that is perfectly fine!! No matter what your "how" is, go for it! You're not alone. You really are perfect, you just have to find the courage within yourself to see it!

 Love Always, 
                          Kaitlyn B. 

*Just to clarify, there is a nice workout room in my office building that NEVER gets used. Fear of being seen working out? Not today Satan. You better believe I found a way to avoid addressing that fear. 

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