The other day, I was thinking out loud...that's when I do my best work! I was discussing [with myself] the massive issue of people wanting to change their bodies and their appearances for all the wrong reasons. Be it that they want to attract the eye of more men or women, that they have been body shamed into believing they aren't good enough, or they've just developed a negative image of themselves.
I began thinking about my past. I struggled with an eating disorder when I was in high school. I had been conditioned to believe that I wasn't good enough for anyone or anything. I didn't have the right body type to be the famous dancer I aspired to be; I didn't have the right personality for anyone to fall in love with...the list goes on. I had decided that the only thing I had control over was my body...and if I took matters into my own hands, I could solve all of the issues that I was told I had. Spring forward to a 0 pant size and a complete loss of muscle mass, I had realized I destroyed my body. I tried to change for all the wrong reasons. My dream of being a dancer went down the toilet because I believed I wasn't good enough and sabotaged myself.
Our passions often develop because of something we have experienced or witnessed. For me, it was due to my own personal experience. I have become far more observant of the way women act based on how they perceive themselves, and it breaks my heart when I see that a beautiful and perfect woman can't see that perfection in themselves.
I have decided I want to start working out and change my body, and that initial decision scared the living crap out of me! At first I was worried that I was slipping back into the belief that I wasn't good enough and my bad habits were going to come back. Then I realized there is a HUGE difference between wanting to do something that makes your body feel good and doing something to your body for someone else.
If you are thinking about changing yourself by dieting, working out, transforming your wardrobe, trying a new makeup look, or revamping your hair style - ask yourself why? Now, I am not telling you that you shouldn't do any of those things...because I have done every single one in the last year and I feel more me than I have in a long time!! But each time I have decided I wanted to make a change (in the last year) it was because those changes made me feel good. I wasn't doing it to appease my husband - in fact, chopping my hair off was the LAST thing he wanted...admittedly it made me giggle when I saw his initial reaction.
Are you wanting to start dieting for health reasons or because you want to physically feel good? Or is it because you don't believe you are good enough the way you are? Because I can tell you that you are beautiful just as you are. We all have ideas about how we should look, but the ultimate question is if you are doing this for you or for someone else.
Rock the version of you that you love! Don't change your hair, style, or body because you believe someone else will love you more if you do. I did that...and can tell you that it doesn't work! There is someone out there specifically made for you, someone that will love the raw, un-cut version of you - new style or not! New things are always fun, but make sure you are making the change for you and ONLY YOU.
Love Always,
Kaitlyn B
Photo by Seth Doyle on Unsplash
Photo by Pete Bellis on Unsplash
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